I walked to my manager’s office, asked for a mental health time off and got an emergency appointment with a therapist. Many moons ago I was in a terrible mental state, made worse by dating two predatory men back to back at the time, and I described a period of years where I used sex as a form of sex harm. One day I was headed into work at my lowest point and thought about jumping off a bridge. When I got into my office there’s a huge ceiling to floor mirror next to the escalator and I remember catching myself in the mirror. My eyes were sunken in, my hair was barely brushed, I was hunched over and pale with yellow undertones to my skin. Also understand emotional connection doesnt necessary go to romantic relationships, which is why u need to learn how to flirt.
Last fall I found out by going through is phone that he had been having an emotional affair with a girl I was told not to worry about. At the time, I decided to forgive him and he blocked her. We worked hard on our relationship and I was able to move past it, because I felt that it was wrong to throw away what I thought was my soulmate. He also made the decision to commit to this relationship with the knowledge that if he did, we would be married one day, likely in the next few years. He was patient with me during this time and our relationship felt stronger after we had both done some healing.
Some of his really good friends are girls, which is fine, but I had been having that gut feeling again that something wasn’t right. I went through his phone again last night and he was telling one of his long time friends how he sometimes wishes he had taken a chance with her, how he feels they’re compatible, how he feels like he’s losing the spark with us. She was very respectful to me and shut that shit down, telling him he needs to work on his relationship. I tried last night to give him the opportunity to tell me himself but hinting that I knew, but of course he acted none the wiser. I don’t blame his friend, she has given no inclination that she is interested. But what he said was not okay, and him not owning up to it is super not okay.
While I did get triggered last weekend by an unexpected Naked Bike Ride where I ended up seeing nude people [that's a trigger of mine] it ended up causing my voice to crack a little and my eyes to get a little moist. I also recognized in the moment „I’m being triggered by this“ and communicated it to my date. Lately, he’s been having a lot of late nights (he’s a gamer).
But you’re signing on for a lot if you stay, and when someone is impacted this deeply, I think it’s best they work through the acute stage with no one to distract them. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Please keep the rules of r/dating_advice in mind while participating here.
It explained everything, and while I stayed to show compassion and be there through it, it was brutal for me. She broke two of my phones, my laptop, and she even went to the extent to emailing a company to tell them I wasn’t interested in a position. To say I was afraid for how much worse it could get, is an understatement. The point is, I thought I could handle it and be there while she worked through her traumas, seeking therapy, and taking her meds. But I will always be the target until she learns to handle it.
But the problem is she has serious emotional baggage, and I’m not sure whether it’s something I need to be more understanding of or run for the hills. One way I open girls is literally just by asking what is their vision in life then share mine. And if u ask deep enough question, they may reveal their personal life or past to u.
For example, if she does open up to u about a dark past. If u ballsy give a light kiss on the forehead too.At that point there’s a emotional connection between u both. „Listen to your friends. If they don’t like him, there is usually a good reason. Also, if you ever have to say ‚he’s not always like this‘ or ‚he’s just having a bad night’…if you have to make excuses, then that’s a red flag.“ It wouldn’t be his fault to leave, he just can’t fix something like that. I just recently got out of a year long relationship where it was constant emotional rollercoaster, to find out a month ago that she has been diagnosed with borderline personality.
Whether or not you’re a „fixer“ this is shaky ground. OP, this woman is troubled and has unresolved stuff she needs to work through. She is not in the right place to date anyone right now. You have enough information to know what this will look like moving forward — she doesn’t have enough self awareness and hasn’t done enough healing to regulate her emotions and understand what is happening with her. You will lose yourself in “saving” her and you will end up resenting each other. If you’re really invested in what you have so far, it can be workable, provided her therapy is adequate and she works the program.