If you think about the moments when you feel like your absolute sexiest, most powerful self – what do you picture? Are you banging it out with your partner, or enjoying a solo session with your favorite toy? Chances are you aren’t worried about the dimples on your butt or how much you want to tone your arms. Unfortunately, though, this isn’t always the case for many folks. When you’re in the heat of the sexual moment with your S.O., the last thing you want on your mind is what your partner is thinking about your back fat, or the cellulite on your thighs, or whether they think your belly is getting a little too soft. The reality, however, is that many plus-size people regularly deal with these intrusive thoughts and anxieties in the bedroom. For some, it can be really damn hard getting on top when you’re plus-size.
Feeling sexy and confident in the bedroom can be difficult for anyone, but those in bigger bodies tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to sexual appreciation. Fatphobia is deeply ingrained in society’s beauty “standards,” which doesn’t exactly promote self-esteem for plus-size folks. “Bigger people, fat people, and plus-size people are still stigmatized in our world, so this can create mental disruption and anxiety when it comes to getting on top for sex,” Marla Renee Stewart, a sexologist, sex educator, and founder of Velvet Lips Sex Ed, tells Bustle. “There are many things that we can be self-conscious about when it comes to our bodies; most notably, our stomachs, FUPAs, and thick thighs, which can take some manipulation when getting on top.”
Still, Stewart shares that riding your partner like a true cowgirl (or cowperson) can be empowering, and feel really good. “Being on top means being in control of our pleasure and how we move our bodies, so being on top helps us to have a perspective of where we’re going to get our pleasure,” she explains coffee meets bagel mobiel.
Of course, there are multiple intersecting factors that can challenge even the most dextrous of plus-size people; let’s just say not all of us have “Megan knees.” Regardless, riding your partner can be an extremely effective position for any body type, as long as you’ve got some kinesthetic awareness. Elle Chase, CSE intimacy coach and sex educator, tells Bustle, “Any position that maximizes friction and pressure for the vulva/vagina will give you the best chance at having an orgasm. All that with the caveat that everyone is different … Orgasm is never a guarantee, but knowing how your body likes to do it is the first step to coming.” If you’re thicc and tired of struggling, here’s how to get on top when you’re plus-size.
While the ultimate goal for getting on top is the same for everyone, the physical requirements of riding are different for people in plus-sized bodies- so learning the best ways to work with your body is important. “For those of us with knee problems or any other physical problem, we often need to make adjustments in how we get on top, and making those look sexy can be difficult at times, but it’s not impossible,” says Stewart. “Knowing your body’s limits and needs are a must, in addition to taking in consideration your lover’s needs and sexual compatibility.” A considerably helpful way to figure out the right angles and positions for your body, and feel sexy while using them, is to build your bedroom confidence.